(After Pritchard knocks his hand whilst going to touch a tarantula) "I — Dirty Sanchez

"(after catching Dainton drawing a pentagram in blood on his floor) Aww, Daint, you cant put a fucking pentagram on my floor. I...Im not a devil house!"

"Daniel Joyce - he makes the ladies moist."

"(To Dainton:) "Would you like me to lapdance for you, scary Newport man?"

"(Whispering to Dainton) "Smell my shit."

"(Talking about nakedness) "Ohh, look at his winky, thats a bit small!"

"(Upon Pritchard confuses the word "Water Jungle" with "Rain Forest") "I thought I was thick!"

"The absolute requisites for the study of this work... are a knowledge of algebra to the binomial at least, plane and solid geometry, plane trigonometry, and the most simple part of the usual applications of algebra to geometry. ...A. De Morgan. London July 1, 1836"

"Captain Littlepage had overset his mind with too much reading."

"Ive been taking a closer look at these graduates. They are actually taller, stronger, smarter than we were, smart enough maybe to take our mistakes as their messages, to make our weaknesses their lessons, and to make our example — good and not so good — part of their education."

"In short, it is not merely that Johnny cant read, or even that Johnny cant think. Johnny doesnt know what thinking is, because thinking is so often confused with feeling in many public schools. [emphasis in the original]"

"Bigotry is the disease of ignorance, of morbid minds; enthusiasm of the free and buoyant. Education & free discussion are the antidotes of both."

"Im very sad that this seems to be the No. 1 question people want to discuss. I had nothing to do with the issue other than what the media created. I was innocently drawn into the whole controversy. So, after many years, Im glad at least now that I have been given the opportunity to explain to the public and fans my side of the story in my own words. At a lecture, back in 1989, I was asked a question about blasphemy according to Islamic Law, I simply repeated the legal view according to my limited knowledge of the Scriptural texts, based directly on historical commentaries of the Quran. The next day the newspaper headlines read, "Cat Says, Kill Rushdie." I was abhorred, but what could I do? I was a new Muslim. If you ask a Bible student to quote the legal punishment of a person who commits blasphemy in the Bible, he would be dishonest if he didnt mention Leviticus 24:16."