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"Wanting more. Having your cake or eating your cake are fine. Not even wanting cake is where you get fucked."
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Doug StanhopeAre there any vice cops in here? You dicks. How do you do that for a l — Doug Stanhope
"Are there any vice cops in here? You dicks. How do you do that for a living? I dont understand. I first read these stories and I think, "Dont you have real crime to fight somewhere?" But then you think about it. Vice cops dont fight real crime. Thats not their job. Real cops fight real crime. A vice cops only job is to fuck up the party."
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Doug Stanhope
Doug Stanhope
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Doug Stanhope is an American stand-up comedian, author, actor, political activist and podcast host. His stand-up material consist of profane and confrontational observations of life.
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"I couldnt be a responsible enough parent if my kid was born with a new suit and a full-time job."
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Doug StanhopeQuote
"Ive been playing the CNN Drinking Game. Have you ever played that? Where you do a shot every time George Bush says the word "evil"? Oh, Im a wreck! You gotta do a double shot every time he says "evildoers". Chug the bottle for "axis of evil". Are you a president or an exorcist?!"
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Doug StanhopeQuote
"You were born free, you got fucked out of half of it, and you wave a flag celebrating it."
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Doug StanhopeQuote
"Life is like animal porn. Its not for everyone."
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Doug StanhopeQuote
"Drugs support terrorism"? No, your SUV supports terrorism."
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Doug Stanhope