"Heres a little what it was like for me growing up in Atlanta... They had this ill-fated thing called Light Up Atlanta. So, Im standing in line... I tap the guy in front of me and say, "Uh, excuse me, can you tell me if this is the line for the beer, or the line to get the tickets to get the beer. [long pause] I dunno, faggot. I dont know, faggot? What? What did I do? Was it because I was sucking his cock at the time?"
David Cross is an American stand-up comedian, actor, writer, and television producer. Cross is best known for his stand-up performances, the HBO sketch comedy series Mr. Show with Bob and David (1995–1998), his role as Ian Hawke in the first three Alvin and the Chipmunks movies, and his role as Tobias Fünke in the Fox/Netflix sitcom Arrested Development. He has been described as "one of the defini
David Cross is an American stand-up comedian, actor, writer, and television producer. Cross is best known for his stand-up performances, the HBO sketch comedy series Mr. Show with Bob and David (1995–1998), his role as Ian Hawke in the first three Alvin and the Chipmunks movies, and his role as Tobias Fünke in the Fox/Netflix sitcom Arrested Development. He has been described as "one of the defini
1995–1998
View all quotes by David Cross"I thought it was really odd at how much people freaked out at Katrina. Youd think theyd be worried about something important. Oh my God, look! George Bush is just appointing all his friends into office and were in an unfounded war... But no- Fuck that! That niggers stealing some potato chips!"
"So I was watching all the Katrina coverage and I got really angry at... Christians who didnt pray hard enough... Its their fucking fault. First off, they needed to pray against the people that were praying for Katrina to hit, because New Orleans is a den of sin and iniquity; an area where gay people dance! But now they have to pray double, and if they had just put that little effort up front, we couldve avoided all of this. I think its time we take a lesson from history, and return to human sacrifice."
"I really dont have a problem with gay marriage... because Im tolerant and rational."
"[On marketing and commercials] HENDERSON VALLEY EGGS! Youre gonna love our eggs!!!... [cut to small granny in rockin chair] I like eggs the old fashioned way. [return to youth] "Fuck you granny!" [punch mimic]"
"I dont remember ordering the Christian sandwich..."
"If you wanna find out 101 things to do with plums, heh, read your in-flight magazine."
"In the life of the mass-order, the culture of the generality tends to conform to the demands of the average human being. Spirituality decays through being diffused among the masses when knowledge is impoverished in every possible way by rationalisation until it becomes accessible to the crude understanding of all."
"I say this to you because we Spaniards are a forgetful people, because we are used to living for the moment, because we do not look back, because we do not know how to see the chain of heroes, because we do not contemplate the sum of sacrifices."
Francisco Franco"Sharon Tate was my best friend. Once, we were roommates. She introduced me to my husband. She was the godmother to my baby daughter who is named for her. In the six years time that I knew her, she never said an unkind word about anyone."
"Long time to see. (VS: Tapion)"
"Most mathematicians prove what they can, von Neumann proves what he wants." Once in a discussion about the rapid growth of mathematics in modern times, von Neumann was heard to remark that whereas thirty years ago a mathematician could grasp all of mathematics, that is impossible today. Someone asked him: "What percentage of all mathematics might a person aspire to understand today?" Von Neumann went into one of his five-second thinking trances, and said: "About 28 percent."
John von Neumann"Children must be free to think in all directions irrespective of the peculiar ideas of parents who often seal their childrens minds with preconceived prejudices and false concepts of past generations. Unless we are very careful, very careful indeed, and very conscientious, there is still great danger that our children may turn out to be the same kind of people we are."