I never drink wine, and I do not smoke shit. — Love at First Bite

"You know what Freud said: if you dont pay for it, you dont get better."

"[picking hotel room lock] Every now and then it sure helps to have a patient doing five to ten for breaking and entering."

"You see? Even a child knows! The wolf is a very misunderstood creature. He never kills for sport, only what is needed. And he always protects the young... and the old."

"[reading an American phrase book] What is this? "Copyright 1923"? Renfield, you bumbling moron, this book is as out of date as... I am."

"Look, a check. She paid me everything she owes me. She left me, but she learned something. Shes a responsible person ... or whatever."

"[is about to set Draculas coffin on fire] In the name of all the Van Helsings who have ever lived... Burn, Baby! Burn! [throws the lit match on the coffin, and the coffin begins to ignite]"