I think whatever I was doing I would be pretty fanatical, but I find i — Zac Goldsmith

"[On William Hague, then Conservative party leader] Id have to drug myself before I voted for him. Get drunk beforehand. And then wash myself afterwards."

"Every man today is afraid hes firing blanks; its becoming very much harder for humans to reproduce. According to Danish research, we now have the sperm count of a hamster."

"I was brought up by my father to identify very strongly as Jewish. But the truth is, that beyond my name, which is a fairly strong Jewish name, Zacharias Goldsmith changed from Goldschmidts – I cannot claim to be all that Jewish. But if you type in my name on Twitter, you will find that I am at the very heart of the Jewish conspiracy. [They say] I have this amazing control over the press – which should make my mayoral contest very easy; and that my family have completely infiltrated the royal family."

"If the magazine collapsed, if the world was going to self-destruct, I would just sink my hands into the mud and live like a pig. Not in a negative sense [...] I mean, I love pigs."

"I cant be bought. I dont need to be bought. Im not a careerist. I dont need to have a career in politics. Im in a very, very luxurious position, but I am in a position of strength. I think I have been selected by Cameron, within the context of that understanding."

"[On disorder and untidiness of his office at The Ecologist] This place is like a Swiss watch compared to my house - at least until Sheherazade moved in."