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"If theyve really caught the #GoldenStateKiller, I hope I get to visit him. Not to gloat or gawk — to ask him the questions that @TrueCrimeDiary wanted answered in her “Letter To An Old Man” at the end of #IllBeGoneInTheDark."
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Patton OswaltIf the standard for being impeached is "getting a blowjob" or "coverin — Patton Oswalt
"If the standard for being impeached is "getting a blowjob" or "covering up a burglary", then shouldnt Bush have been executed by now?"
If the standard for being impeached is "getting a blowjob" or "covering up a burglary", then shouldnt Bush have been exe
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Patton Oswalt
Patton Oswalt
author1998–200720 quotes
Patton Peter Oswalt is an American stand-up comedian and actor. His acting roles include Spence Olchin in the sitcom The King of Queens (1998–2007) and narrating the sitcom The Goldbergs (2013–2023) as adult Adam F. Goldberg. After making his acting debut in the Seinfeld episode "The Couch", he has appeared in a variety of television series, such as Parks and Recreation, Community, Two and a Half
About Patton Oswalt
Patton Peter Oswalt is an American stand-up comedian and actor. His acting roles include Spence Olchin in the sitcom The King of Queens (1998–2007) and narrating the sitcom The Goldbergs (2013–2023) as adult Adam F. Goldberg. After making his acting debut in the Seinfeld episode "The Couch", he has appeared in a variety of television series, such as Parks and Recreation, Community, Two and a Half
1998–2007
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"If another one of my Whole-Foods friends says my wife should have a home birth, I am going to punch all the soy on the planet."
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Patton OswaltQuote
"[on Barack Obamas election] Do you realize for the next four years America is gonna be a cool eighties cop flick? "Barack, get your ass in my office now! Did you balance the budget again?!" "Yeah, it was just sitting there, chief..." "You wrecked twenty cars! Senates gonna have my ass for this." "Eh, whatever, chief." And he rides away in a Camaro on two wheels."
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Patton OswaltQuote
"When I was 25, all I did was just scream, "Sellout! Fucking sellouts. Corporate sellout. Industry bullshit. Meh-meh-meh." I look back on it and I realized, "oh, I was screaming sellout because nobody wanted to buy what I was selling."
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Patton OswaltQuote
"In this age of cynicism, bipartisanship and personal cowardice, its refreshing to find a group of people willing to die for what they believe."
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Patton OswaltQuote
"Hey Patton, looks like Paris Hiltons writing a book. And I go, "Shes a cunt who should die of AIDS." They go, (nervously) "Ah ha ha, okay! Hey! All right... um, okay, follow-up question. Shes also coming out with a line of handbags," "As long as she gets AIDS, thats fine with me, man. If she could get cancer of the AIDS of the leukemia of the eyes, thatd be awesome. If like, a biker could fuck that into her skull..."
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Patton Oswalt