If you think it’s easy to write jokes about fried calamari, you’ve pro — Scott Adams

"The office is designed for "work," not productivity. Work can be defined as "anything youd rather not be doing." Productivity is a different matter. Telecommuting substitutes two hours of productivity for ten hours of work."

"Rich guys used to be able to manipulate the stock market and make huge profits at the expense of smaller investors. It was big news when the small investors discovered theyd been screwed. Now there are many safeguards against the small investor ever finding out how much hes getting screwed."

"Scott Adams is a very, very funny guy who writes a brilliantly perceptive comic strip."

"Express gratitude. Give more than is expected. Speak optimistically. Touch people. Remember names. Dont confuse flexibility with weakness. Dont judge people by their mistakes; rather, judge them by how they respond to their mistakes. Remember that your physical appearance is for the benefit of others. Attend to your own basic needs first; otherwise you will not be useful to anyone else."

"I could not have been luckier. I have the luckiest cancellation of anybody whos ever been cancelled. [...] It just couldnt have been better. It just absolutely could not have been better."

"I am saying: I see a flame thrower. I think the flame thrower guy wins in the stick fight."