Ive really got to hand it to Scarecrow. Ive never been a fan of his co — The Joker

"Laugh, clown, laugh...and laugh again! The police are completely at bay! Batman is baying at the moon! No one can beat the Joker! Soon, now...soon theyll see it my way! Theyll know I mean what I say! Today, the American fish... and tomorrow all the fish in the world! But...what if everybody stops eating fish? I hadnt thought of that! What if they all conspire against me...leave my Joker-Fish in the sea? But no...that would never work! The VEGETARIANS wouldnt go along! And anyway...I could use my chemicals on cattle! JOKER-BURGERS! OUTRAGEOUS! - Detective Comics #476"

"(singing) "When the world is full of care and every headline screams despair, when the news are rape, starvation, war and life is vile...then theres a certain thing I do which I shall pass along to you thats always guaranteed to make me smile. I go Loo-oo-oony, as a lightbulb battered bug, simply Loo-oo-oony, sometimes foam and chew the rug...mister life is swell in a padded cell, itll chase those blues away! You can trade your gloom for a rubber room and injections twice a day!"

"So... I see you received the free ticket I sent you. Im glad. I did so want you to be here. You see it doesnt matter if you catch me and send me back to the asylum... Gordons been driven mad. Ive proved my point. Ive demonstrated theres no difference between me and everyone else! All it takes is one bad day to reduce the sanest man alive to lunacy. Thats how far the world is from where I am. Just one bad day. You had a bad day once, am I right? I know I am. I can tell. You had a bad day and everything changed. Why else would you dress up as a flying rat? You had a bad day, and it drove you as crazy as everybody else... Only you wont admit it! You have to keep pretending that life makes sense, that theres some point to all this struggling! God you make me want to puke. I mean, what is it with you? What made you what you are? Girlfriend killed by the mob, maybe? Brother carved up by some mugger? Something like that, I bet. Something like that... Something like that happened to me, you know. I... Im not exactly sure what it was. Sometimes I remember it one way, sometimes another... If Im going to have a past, I prefer it to be multiple choice! Ha ha ha! But my point is... My point is, I went crazy. When I saw what a black, awful joke the world was, I went crazy as a coot! I admit it! Why cant you? I mean, youre not unintelligent! You must see the reality of the situation. Do you know how many times weve come close to World War Three over a flock of geese on a computer screen? Do you know what triggered the last world war? An argument over how many telegraph poles Germany owed its war debt creditors! Telegraph poles! Ha ha ha ha HA! Its all a joke! Everything anybody ever valued or struggled for... its all a monstrous, demented gag! So why cant you see the funny side? Why arent you laughing?"

"And who is this pure fool? Lo, in the sagas of old time, legend or scald, of bard, of druid, cometh he not in green like spring? O thou water thou art air, in which all complex is resolved! Oh, yes! Fill the churches with dirty thoughts! Introduce honesty to the White House! Write letters in dead languages to people youve never met! Paint filthy words on the foreheads of children! Burn your credit cards and wear high heels! Asylum doors stand open! Fill the suburbs with murder and rape! Divine madness! Let there be ecstasy, ecstasy in the streets! Laugh and the world laughs with you!"

"[as Clayface-Joker] "Good evening, Troops! This is General J here, with a quick update on whats going on down here in Arkham City. As you can see, Im looking much better. In fact, ohhh, I think Im looking better than ever! Ha! Oh, I can hear you all now: "How did this happen?" "Can I get me some of that crazy cure?" "Oh, I want answers, damn it! NOW!" Well, heres the thing. Answers dont give you everlasting satisfaction, sometimes you have to brace yourself for disappointment. Now think about it. Imagine your favorite TV show. Youve been through it all. The ups, the downs, the crazy coincidences, and then: BANG! They tell you what its all about. [the real Joker coughs behind the camera] Would you be happy? Does it make sense? How come it all ended in a church?"

"Drive-In Waitress: Take your order, please? Joker: Yes, indeedy. Thank you. (Talking incredibly fast) Id like the Big Beefer, Heavy Mustard, double pickles, three strips of bacon, make em crispy, ranch dressing on the side... Waitress: Ah, sir... Joker: Side order of fries, also crispy, one of those fake pie thingees with the boiling hot juice that scalds the roof of your mouth...I LOVE that... Waitress: Sir... Joker:Two of your special Egg Nog Shakes, a boys kiddie meal, and Ill pay extra for a full assortment of the toys that come with it. Waitress: Sir! You were talking way too fast. Youll have to repeat all that! Joker: Of all the incompetence! Listen, you brain-dead Cephalapod! I have better things to do than repeat myself in the fleeting hope that through some MIRACLE you might somehow triumph over your own crushing ignorance and get ONE ITEM of my order right! I DEMAND to see your manager! Manager: Im sorry, sir. How may I help you? Joker:(shoots the manager) I really wanted those shakes."