McLeavy: Where did I go wrong? His upbringing was faultless. Did you l — Joe Orton

"Hal: God is a gentleman. He prefers blondes."

"Fay: Have you given a thought to the priest? Truscott: We cant have him in on it, miss. Our percentage wouldnt be worth having. Fay: Mr McLeavy threatened to expose us. Truscott: Ive been exposed before. Fay: What happened? Truscott: I arrested the man. Hes doing twelve years."

"Prentice: This appalling situation is the result of my lax moral code. Its clean living and Teach Yourself Woodwork for me from now on!"

"McLeavy: Im innocent. (A little unsure of himself, the beginnings of panic) Doesnt that mean anything to you?"

"Nick: Ive also found someone to take an option on the photographs. Mrs Prentice: What photographs? Nick: I had a camera concealed in the room. Mrs Prentice: When I gave myself to you the contract didnt include cinematic rights. Nick: Id like a hundred quid for the negatives. Youve got until lunchtime. Mrs Prentice: I shall complain to the manager. Nick: It will do you no good. He took the photographs. Mrs. Prentice: Oh, this is scandalous! Im a married woman. Nick: You didnt behave like a married woman last night."

"I was approached to do a film script for the Beatles. I said it would have to be an absolutely original script. Paul McCartney said do whatever you like. I said that means youll never be able to do it."