Over the next 10 days, we get to see the machines that are crooked, th — Rudy Giuliani

"I’m pro-choice. I’m pro-gay rights."

"We had no domestic attacks under Bush. We’ve had one under Obama."

"Shut up, moron, shut up, shut up."

"China manufactured the virus and let it out, and they deliberately spread it around the world."

"Rudy Giuliani is a true American hero, and we know this because he does all the things we expect of heroes these days -- like make $16 million a year, and lobby for Hugo Chávez and Rupert Murdoch, and promote wars without ever having served in the military, and hire a lawyer to call his second wife a "stuck pig," and organize absurd, grandstanding pogroms against minor foreign artists, and generally drift through life being a shameless opportunist with an outsize ego who doesnt even bother to conceal the fact that hes had a hard-on for the presidency since he was in diapers. In the media age, we cant have a hero humble enough to actually be one; what is needed is a tireless scoundrel, a cad willing to pose all day long for photos, wholl accept $100,000 to talk about heroism for an hour, who has the balls to take a $2.7 million advance to write a book about himself called Leadership. Thats Rudy Giuliani. Our hero. And a perfect choice to uphold the legacy of George W. Bush."

"Its about time law enforcement got as organized as organized crime."