Training is everything. The peach was once a bitter almond; cauliflowe — Pudd'nhead Wilson

"Tell the truth or trump — but get the trick."

"Nothing so needs reforming as other peoples habits."

"Why is it that we rejoice at a birth and grieve at a funeral? It is because we are not the person involved."

"It is easy to find fault, if one has that disposition. There was once a man who, not being able to find any other fault with his coal, complained there were too many prehistoric toads in it."

"There is no character, howsoever good and fine, but it can be destroyed by ridicule, howsoever poor and witless. Observe the ass, for instance: his character is about perfect, he is the choicest spirit among all the humbler animals, yet see what ridicule has brought him to. Instead of feeling complimented when we are called an ass, we are left in doubt."

"Consider well the proportions of things. It is better to be a young June bug than an old bird of paradise."