George Ade

The music teacher came twice a week to bridge the awful gap between Dorothy and Chopin.

She was a soprano of the kind often used for augmenting grief at a funeral.

In the city a funeral is just an interruption of traffic; in the country it is a form of entertainment.

"Whom are you?" he asked, for he had attended business college.

Moral: When Wealth walks in at the Door, the Press Agent comes in through the Window.

Early to Bed and Early to Rise is a Bad Rule for any one who wishes to become acquainted with our most Prominent and Influential People.

R-E-M-O-R-S-E! Those dry Martinis did the work for me; Last night at twelve I felt immense, To-day I feel like thirty cents. My eyes are bleared, my coppers hot, I’ll try to eat, but I cannot.

A Piker always has his entire Stock of Goods in the Show Window.

Moral: If it were not for the presents, an elopement would be preferable.

: Don't try to Account for Anything.

: In uplifting, get underneath.