And that is a problem I have with, like, a lot of American political s — Trevor Noah

"I hear people all the time go like "Im gonna put my head down and Im gonna crush it!" Okay, alone? Good luck."

"The Trump tape shouldnt offend you on behalf of females. It should offend you as a human being."

"Hey, son, what the hell is with your haircut? Did you see a paintbrush and say "I want that dudes look!"?"

"Ben Carson: for people who like Donald Trumps ideas, but hate his charm and charisma. Ben Carson is like the drug free cocaine for people who dont wanna get high but just like snorting white powder."

"Growing up the way I did, I learned how easy it is for white people to get comfortable with a system that awards them all the perks. I knew my cousins were getting beaten for things that Id done, but I wasnt interested in changing my grandmothers perspective, because that would mean Id get beaten, too. Why would I do that? So that Id feel better? Being beaten didnt make me feel better. I had a choice. I could champion racial justice in our home, or I could enjoy grannys cookies. I went with the cookies."

"[If] you read the news once a week, I promise you, youll be as informed as somebody whos reading it every single day. You know why? Cause when youre reading it every day, you are caught in the cycle of it trying to discover what it doesnt know yet."