Even a big bitch cockroach like you should know...Never, but never, fu — Bubba Ho-Tep

"Daniel Roebuck — Hearse Driver"

"My god, man. How long have I been here? Am I really awake now, or am I just dreaming Im awake? How could my plans have gone so wrong? When the Hell are they gonna serve lunch? Considering what they serve, why the Hell do I care?"

"[looking up Callies skirt] The revealing of her panties wasnt intentional or unintentional; she just didnt give a damn. She saw me as so physically and sexually non-threatenin, she didnt mind if I got birds eye view of her love nest. It was the same to her as a house cat sneakin a peek. I felt my pecker flutter once, like a pigeon havin a heart attack, then lay back down and remain limp and still. Of course, these days even a flutter was kinda reassurin."

"Here I was complainin about loss of pride and how life had treated me, and I realized...I never had any pride. And much of how life had treated me had been good. The bulk of the bad was my own damn fault. Shouldve fired Colonel Parker by the time I got in the pictures. Old fart had been a shark and a fool, and I was even a bigger fool for following him. If only Id treated Priscilla right. If I couldve told my daughter I loved her. Always the questions, never the answers. Always the hopes, never the fulfillments."

"My own daughter, lost long ago to me...If she knew I lived, would she come and see me? Would she even care?"

"What do I really have left in life but this place? It aint much of a home, but its all I got. Well, goddamnit. Ill be damned if I let some foreign, graffiti-writin, soul-suckin son of a bitch in an oversized cowboy hat and boots take my friends souls and shit em down the visitors toilet!"