"I was the only guy, by the way, in the early 80s [who] was welcome on your show and Carson; usually, it was kind of-- that was-- there was a bit of a wall there. [...] If you were a Carson comic, you were probably not young enough or cool enough for Late Night. And vice-versa. But I for some reason was able to go back and forth, and I was always very proud of that, in the early days."
Jerome Allen Seinfeld is an American stand-up comedian, actor, writer, filmmaker, and television producer specializing in observational comedy. Seinfeld gained stardom playing a fictionalized version of himself in the NBC sitcom Seinfeld (1989–1998), which he co-created and wrote with Larry David. Seinfeld earned a Golden Globe Award for Best Actor – Television Series Musical or Comedy in 1995. Th
"Thats [my dads] other big advice to me: "easy". I dont know what the hell that means. Every time we lift up something heavy, he goes "Easy now! Take it easy! Easy! Easy!" Its not easy; its very difficult. Okay? You want easy? Leave it here in the hallway. Thats easy."
"I was petrified when [my parents] first saw me [perform]. Well, also: because I wasnt really funny as a kid, and I felt like I was, yknow, exposing this alter-ego. Yknow? Plus, here I am getting up on stage and manipulating these people, yknow, into laughing. Its a power thing! Yknow? And its weird to do it in front of your parents."
"Why is commitment the kryptonite of men, super and otherwise? [...] The trouble is that, deep down, most of us men believe we have a great deal in common with superheroes. This is the secret truth of all male thinking. Im not even supposed to be telling you this. When men are growing up and reading about Batman, Spiderman and Superman, these are not fantasies, these are options."
"Men will always say they love women as a group, but somehow seem to be less fond of them as individuals. Women, on the other hand, often appreciate the man theyre with but almost never have anything nice to say about our sex as a group. [...] Women are afraid of men they dont know. Men are afraid of women they know very well."
"There is absolutely nothing you can do on a date to help you feel better about the tremendously uncomfortable situation youre in. And the reason its uncomfortable is that no ones on the date for the date. Theyre on the date to see whats going to happen at the end of the date."
"I was in Switzerland one time. Beautiful country! Great country. And interesting: 500 years without a war! Very impressive. Also very lucky for the Swiss Army! I dont know if youve ever seen that little Swiss Army knife? Its not much of a weapon! [...] If somebody attacks you, what do you pull out? Your nail clippers? "Cmon, buddy! Lets go!" "You get past me, the guy in back of mes got a spoon!"