I would never do crack. I would never do a drug named after a part of — Denis Leary

"The people you would have overdose on drugs never would. Like Mötley Crüe would never fucking overdose, man, never. You could put them in a room with two tons of crack, theyd come out half an hour later, goin "ROCK ON MAN!"

"Making a key decision now for our kids, its religion decision time, you know...and Im not bringing em up Catholic. Ive made that decision. Boy, because I was raised Catholic, and NOO WAY! Uh-uh! Nope! Know what? I cant bring up my kids in a church whose authority system is entirely based on the size of fucking hats, okay? Thats apparently how the Catholic church is run. The bigger the hat, the more important the guy, right? Priests have no hats, cardinals have those little red beanies, the pope has a collection of big hats...God must have a huge fucking sombrero up there in heaven! "Look at me, Im GOD! Look at the size of my hat, who else would I be?" I dont know, lead singer of Los Lobos?"

"And when it comes time to confess your sins in the Lapsed Catholic Church, guess who you confess your sins to? Thats right, Father Leary. You walk in and say, "Bless me, Father, for I have sinned." You know what I say? "Thats fucking great! What did you do?" "I, um, thought impure thoughts many times this week- "Fuckin excellent! What else?" "Uh, I jerked off like five times-" "Thats FUCKING great! You know what your penance is? Run across the street to that store, steal two cases of beer and a pizza, and bring it back here, OK? Cause were gonna sit around the rectory and smoke and eat pizza and drink beer and watch TV, and if we see the pope on TV, were gonna give him the finger and make fun of his hats, OK?"

"(talking about Marv Albert) Marv, Marv, Marv, Marv, Marv, Marv, Marv. This is God, what the HELL were you thinking?!?"

"Did I miss a fucking meeting with the coffee? You can get every other flavor except COFFEE FLAVORED COFFEE! They got mochaccino, theyve got chococcino, frapaccino, capaccino, rapaccino, Al Pacino, WHAT THE FUCK! www.whattheFUCK.com!!"

"Youre 18 years old, youre in a 7-11, you dont know shit about shit and PULL UP YOUR PANTS!"