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"I play sports... No I dont, what the fuck?"
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Mitch HedbergIf carrots got you drunk, rabbits would be fucked up. — Mitch Hedberg
"If carrots got you drunk, rabbits would be fucked up."
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Mitch Hedberg
Mitch Hedberg
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Mitchell Lee Hedberg was an American stand-up comedian and filmmaker known for his surreal humor and deadpan delivery. His comedy typically featured short, sometimes one-line jokes mixed with absurd elements and non sequiturs.
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"Ive always wanted a suitcase handcuffed to my wrist... Alright."
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Mitch HedbergQuote
"I met a girl who works at the Double Tree front desk, she gave me her phone number. Its zero. I tried to call her from here and some other woman answered. I said "You sound older!"
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Mitch HedbergQuote
"I wrote a script and gave it to a guy that reads scripts. And he read it and said he really likes it, but he thinks I need to rewrite it. I said "Fuck that, Ill just make a copy."
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Mitch HedbergQuote
"So I wish I could play little league now, Id kick some fuckin ass."
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Mitch HedbergQuote
"One time, this guy handed me a picture of him, he said "Heres a picture of me when I was younger." Every picture is of you when you were younger. "Heres a picture of me when Im older." "You son-of-a-bitch! Howd you pull that off? Lemme see that camera... Whats it look like?"
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Mitch Hedberg