It takes a big man to cry, but it takes an even bigger man to laugh at — Jack Handey

"TO ME, its a good idea to always carry two sacks of something when you walk around. That way, if anybody says, "Hey, can you give me a hand?" you can say, "Sorry, got these sacks."

"If a kid asks where rain comes from, I think a cute thing to tell him is "God is crying." And if he asks why God is crying, another cute thing to tell him is "Probably because of something you did."

"If trees could scream, would we be so cavalier about cutting them down? We might, if they screamed all the time, for no good reason."

"IF YOU ever drop your keys into a river of molten lava, let em go, because man, theyre gone."

"I can picture in my mind a world without war, a world without hate. And I can picture us attacking that world because theyd never expect it."

"IF YOU GO through a lot of hammers each month, I dont think it necessarily means youre a hard worker. It may just mean that you have a lot to learn about proper hammer maintenance."