Its like the series feels like its lost so much identity from cutting — Zero Punctuation

"3D Mario Land Super is a Mario game in which you jump on things in covetous pursuit of stars and coins, like you didnt already know that. How does it differentiate itself? Well, the standard policy with a new Mario game seems to be to write down every feature from every previous Mario game on Post-It Notes, stick them all to a wall, and throw a fucking dart. And in the case of Super Mario 3D Mario Super, it landed on the raccoon tails from Mario 3, a dart throw everyone was so fucking pleased with that they felt they had to base the whole game around it, handing out raccoon tails to half the enemies and stationary objects too. Although considering the original Japanese Mario 3 was more faithful in its depiction of the folkloric tanuki, Im hoping theres a version of this game knocking around somewhere where every enemy has a big, hairy scrotum dangling underneath in which case its the Thwomps I feel sorry for."

"[About his hostage units on Escort Mission disappearing after a timer ran out] "We lost contact!" went the character... BULL. FUCKING. SHIT. (the words "WHAT. ARBITRARY. SILLINESS." appear in synchrony with his swearing). All possible threats were dead! We didnt lose contact - I was looking at them - They were RIGHT. FUCKING. THERE! They were so close we could communicate by waggling our eyebrows at each other! What the fuck happened when the stupid arbitrary time limit ran out!? Did their Battle Royale collars explode!? Did they lose honor and disembowel themselves? WHAT?! And just to put the cherry on it, you know who they were? Absolutely bloody no one! Generic faceless pricks of the sort Id vat-grown about fifty of that day alone! But we didnt make it in time, so they were going to make me do the whole fucking mission again! As the exasperated Chinese zookeeper said to the last male panda in the world, FUCK! THAT!"

"(discussing the games open world:) My point is, that the reason why racing games traditionally feature closed circuit tracks is that the fun in a street racing game comes from driving really fast and breaking things. Thats a winning formula. Then you throw map reading skills into it and its the metaphorical shot of Baileys, overpowering all the other flavors."

"Frankly, Im amazed the game even comes with a manual. All you need is a picture of the "throw" button and a big arrow pointing to it."

"Long ago in the mists of time, when main characters didnt need to have biceps bigger then their faces and when bump mapping was just something cartographers did to their wives, there lived adventure games. This shy, thoughtful tribe was known for its great story telling tradition and ruled the great PC gaming plains for many years before mysteriously dying out around the onset of the Quake era. Some blame the aggressive expansion of neighboring first-person shooter tribes; but personally I think its more to do with the fact that most of them were shit."

"Theres nothing wrong with being a small part of something bigger than yourself. Thats how an MMO should work -- solidarity, teamwork, joining forty friends to go stomp on a night elfs face. Age of Conan makes the same mistake as the school system by telling everyone that theyre special, thus turning them into entitled twatdonkeys."