[narrating while executing Russian criminals] I know what youre thinki — Deadpool 2

"[after Firefist starts a fight in the Ice Box] Were not partners or friends. This doesnt end with us riding into the sunset, it ends with me dying of cancer, and you winning the Ice Box award for softest mouth. Theres only one person in this world that I care about, and shes gone. You wanna survive? Stop trying to shank the biggest guys in here, and make friends with them. Make friends with someone. Anyone but me. Maybe even Black Tim... Black Evan? I dont know. All I remember is, he was African-American."

"I hope you sharpened the cream cheese spreader. [throws the spreader onto a criminal whos about to shoot Vanessa, successfully killing him] Ill be right back. [uses Cables time-travelling device; to Vanessa] Were definitely naming our kid Cher! WOOOOO!"

"Is it just me or does "Do You Want to Build a Snowman?" from Frozen sound suspiciously like "Papa, Can You Hear Me?" from Yentl? [singing] "Papa, can you hear me?" [spoken] And nobody fucking realizes it."

"[To Cable] Youre so dark! You sure youre not from the DC Universe? I love dubstep!"

"[while going around the X-Mansion using Professor Xs wheelchair] All these elderly white men on the walls. Should have brought my rape whistle. [in the Super Duper Cut: All these old guys on the wall. Who lives here, Calista Flockhart?] [chuckles and knocks busts onto the floor, breaking them] Those were already damaged after they fell there!"

"Nobody knows, but rumor has it that they keep a monster in the basement. Right next to [turns to viewer] huge, steaming hot bowl of foreshadowing."