One time, I threw a candy wrapper on the street … I was with a friend — Louis C.K.

"What comedy really is is connecting with a group of people, and just speaking at a heightened level without any barriers and saying things that are raw id, and having people really respond to it. You know, that’s really what it is, and that’s why there are people that I look at as comedy role models that aren’t comedians, like Muhammad Ali. The way he spoke to audiences and crowds and stuff, if you watch some of his preaching to Nation of Islam crowds? Hilarious, and amazing, like he knew who the people were. He said, “You know what the fuck I’m talking about!” and he explained it to them."

"Id like to name my kid a whole phrase. You know, something like "Ladies and Gentlemen". Thatll be a cool name for a kid. "This is my son, Ladies and Gentlemen!" Then, when he gets out of hand, I get to go, "Ladies and Gentlemen, please!"

"They charged me 15 dollars. Thats how much it costs to only have 20 dollars."

"Everything that’s difficult you should be able to laugh about."

"I think of boxing a lot with standup. I even train with boxing trainers"

"Drugs are so fucking good that they’ll ruin your life."