The iPad falls between two stools – not quite a laptop, not quite a sm — Spork

"I came here to offer a way to make peace with our Republican friends on this heated school lunch issue. Al Gore and I have discovered a reinventing government way, Mr. Armey, to get around this terrible rhetoric weve been flinging at you on school lunches. We have a way to save money through streamlining that does not require us to deprive our children of food. Instead of cutting food, were going to cut the cutlery. And heres how—with a spork. Now, you know, I dont know how many of you know this, Ive been eating off these things for years. I never knew they were called sporks. But thats what they are. This is the symbol of my administration. This is a cross between a spoon and a fork. No more false choice between the left utensil and the right utensil. This is not an ideological choice. This is a choice in the middle and a choice for the future. This is a big, new idea—the spork."

"Sporks, for those of you who have been spared, are the dreaded half-spoon, half-fork utensils handed out by some fast-food places that have tines too short to spear anything but are strategically placed to make sure anything liquid winds up on your necktie, blouse, shirt or navel - depending on your choice of attire."

"Get away from me fat man, or Ill spork your ass."