When things go wrong and will not come right, — Brian O'Nolan

"Some savage faculty for observation told him that most respectable and estimable people usually had a lot of books in their houses."

"Do you know what I am going to tell you, he said with his wry mouth, a pint of plain is your only man."

"After a time," said old Mathers disregarding me, "I mercifully perceived the errors of my ways and the unhappy destination I would reach unless I mended them. I retired from the world in order to try to comprehend it and to find out why it becomes more unsavoury as the years accumulate on a mans body. What do you think I discovered at the end of my meditations?"

"My father...was a man who understood all dogs thoroughly and treated them like human beings."

"You mean that because I have no name I cannot die and that you cannot be held answerable for death even if you kill me?"

"I saw that my witticism was unperceived and quietly replaced it in the treasury of my mind."