[while playing video game] This is like if Tyson fought an infant. — Grandma's Boy

"Oh! Oh! Oh my God! Im sorry, I cant stop cumming, Im sorry! Oh-ho-ho, it feels so good!"

"Hey JP, thats a great outfit. How much do clothes cost in the Matrix?"

"Jonny...? Who the fuck is Jonny?"

"You cant get stoned and be an accountant, you make too many mistakes, you lose people millions of dollars, you get fired."

"Dude, you do know that lions eat deer, right?"

"[to children sitting at wedding reception table] So, you cant kill the demon at the end of level six? Do you have the magic arrows? Easy, heres what you do. Hide behind the boulder. When the demon comes out of the cave, shoot him three times with the magic arrows. Then his head will start to spin. Once that happens, you jump up on the boulder, you do a flying downward thrust with the sword of doom, and thats it - level six is done."