"Why is it we dont always recognize the moment when love begins, but we always know when it ends?"
Stephen Glenn Martin is an American comedian, actor, writer, producer, and musician. Known for his work in comedy films, television, and recording, he has received many accolades, including five Grammy Awards, a Primetime Emmy Award, and a Screen Actors Guild Award as well as nominations for eight Golden Globe Awards and two Tony Awards. Martin received the Mark Twain Prize for American Humor in 2
"Its so hard to believe in anything anymore, you know what I mean? Its like, religion, you really cant take it seriously, cause it seems so mythological, and seems so arbitrary; and then on the other hand, science is just pure empiricism, and by virtue of its method, it excludes metaphysics. — I guess I wouldnt believe in anything if it werent for my lucky astrology mood watch. [Audience member]: Whats your mood watch say? Martin: Yeah, I remember when I had my first beer."
"I used to smoke marijuana. But Ill tell you something: I would only smoke it in the late evening. Oh, occasionally the early evening, but usually the late evening — or the mid-evening. Just the early evening, midevening and late evening. Occasionally, early afternoon, early mid-afternoon, or perhaps the late-midafternoon. Oh, sometimes the early-mid-late-early morning … But never at dusk! Never at dusk, I would never do that."
"People come up to me and say "Steve, what is film editing?" And I say "How should I know? Youre the director."
"Now lets repeat the non-conformists oath: I promise to be different! [audience repeats] I promise to be unique! [audience repeats] I promise not to repeat things other people say! [audience repeats, laughs] Good!"
"I like a woman with a head on her shoulders. I hate necks."
"Hosting the Oscars is like making love to a beautiful woman — its something I only get to do when Billy Crystals out of town."