[With reference to a how to date book] Because youve been on dates whe — David Cross

"So I was watching all the Katrina coverage and I got really angry at... Christians who didnt pray hard enough... Its their fucking fault. First off, they needed to pray against the people that were praying for Katrina to hit, because New Orleans is a den of sin and iniquity; an area where gay people dance! But now they have to pray double, and if they had just put that little effort up front, we couldve avoided all of this. I think its time we take a lesson from history, and return to human sacrifice."

"I really dont have a problem with gay marriage... because Im tolerant and rational."

"If you wanna find out 101 things to do with plums, heh, read your in-flight magazine."

"[On marketing and commercials] HENDERSON VALLEY EGGS! Youre gonna love our eggs!!!... [cut to small granny in rockin chair] I like eggs the old fashioned way. [return to youth] "Fuck you granny!" [punch mimic]"

"I dont remember ordering the Christian sandwich..."

"I thought it was really odd at how much people freaked out at Katrina. Youd think theyd be worried about something important. Oh my God, look! George Bush is just appointing all his friends into office and were in an unfounded war... But no- Fuck that! That niggers stealing some potato chips!"