You keep talking about it would be redefining a word. And it feels lik — The Daily Show

"What weve been telling [young people] for the last ten years, I think, is: "Buy Coke." [...] But I do think that the message of this country has been over the past ten years, its been—not just Play, but Buy. And Consume. And it has been Consume, and I think in the corporate oligarchy that weve established that is—that was what we were dealing with. We were dealing with trying to raise a generation of people who would like to buy our products. [...] Can I tell you something though? Spending time at colleges and spending time with these people—I never thought that this was an apathetic generation, and I never thought that this was a group of people that would not answer a call to arms. And I personally feel extremely hopeful about that because of the experiences Ive had with them. Theyre a smart group and theres a hell of a lot of em."

"If, god forbid, some coordinated terrorist attack leads to the deaths of the first seven people in line to succeed the President—the Vice President, Speaker of the House, the President pro tem of the Senate, the Secretaries of State, Treasury, and Defense, and the Attorney General—if, god forbid, that were to happen, would you really want the guy who took over to be the one who was in charge of their security? And thats tonights "Nnnggehhh...!"

"The show in general we feel like is a privilege. Even the idea that we can sit in the back of the country and make wise cracks... which is really what we do. We sit in the back and throw spitballs—but never forgetting that it is a luxury in this country that allows us to do that. That is, a country that allows for open satire, and I know that sounds basic and it sounds like it goes without saying. But that’s really what this whole situation is about. It’s the difference between closed and open. The difference between free and... burdened. And we don’t take that for granted here, by any stretch of the imagination."

"One of my first memories was of Martin Luther King being shot. I was five and if you wonder if this feeling will pass... [choked up]... When I was five and he was shot, heres what I remember about it: I was in school in Trenton and they turned the lights off and we got to sit under our desks... and we thought that was really cool. And they gave us cottage cheese, which was a cold lunch because there were riots, but we didn’t know that. We just thought, "My God! We get to sit under our desks and eat cottage cheese!" And that’s what I remember about it. And that was a tremendous test of this countrys fabric and this country has had many tests before that and after that."

"The reason I don’t despair is that... this attack happened. Its not a dream. But the aftermath of it, the recovery, is a dream realized. And that is Martin Luther Kings dream."

"Dora: Doesnt Jim Cramer understand that its not about individual mistakes hes made, its about him creating a false sense of urgency that helped hyperinflate the bubble! Stewart: I mean, that was kinda the point. Boots: Do you want me to throw feces on him? Stewart: No, Boots. Thats OK. [...] Dora: And Joe Scarborough is accusing you of being a cherry-picking ideologue? [...] Why is everyone being such a pendejo? [...] It means jackass in Spanish. [...] Stewart: Hooray for the pendejos!"