Wedding: the point at which a man stops toasting a woman and begins…

Oh yes, there is a vast difference between the savage and the civilized man, but it is never apparent to their wives until after breakfast.

When two people decide to get a divorce, it isn't a sign that they "don't understand" one another, but a sign that they have, at last, begun to.

It takes one woman twenty years to make a man of her son—and another woman twenty minutes to make a fool of him.

What a man calls his "conscience" is merely the mental action that follows a sentimental reaction after too much wine or love.

A Bachelor of Arts is one who makes love to a lot of women, and yet has the art to remain a bachelor.

Some women can be fooled all of the time, and all women can be fooled some of the time, but the same woman can't be fooled by the same man in the same way more than half of the time.