Andrew Dice Clay

"How come theres no parking for midgets? You ever notice that? Not one spot in the fucking mall for midgets. Unbelievable. You want to know why? Cause theres no telethon for midgets. Nobody gives a fuck. The kind of humidity you get in Manhattan during the summer... by the time you even get to the front doors of the mall, theyre passing out. Youve got to piss on them to revive them. And I love midgets with those pumpkin heads, little bug legs. I never fucked one, Ill admit that. But I would do it. Theyre people. So theyre a little light, all right. So, so you stick em on your dick, you can shave, shower, they dont get in the way. You throw em in a drawer when youre done. "Yeah, use my socks as a pillow honey." "Wait, a mouse went under the table, get the fucker." Could you imagine being a maitre d at a fancy restaurant and a couple midgets come in for dinner? What do you say? “Table for, ugh, I dont know, fuck, three quarters?" Midgets, man. What do they do when a midget is missing? Put em on the back of a container of Half & Half?"