Art School Confidential

"Man, if she were my girlfriend, Id be pounding that night and day."

"Jerome, are you exceptionally skilled as a cocksucker? It wasnt a rhetorical question. Are you a great artist when it comes to fellatio?"

"Now I dont have any particular wisdom to impart to you people, except to say this, these four words - dont have unrealistic expectations. If you want to make money, better drop out right now, go to banking school, or website school - anywhere but art school. And remember, only 1 out of 100 of you will ever make a living as an artist."

"Now, everyone dont be so hard on Jerome. He is attempting to achieve the impossible. He is trying to sing in his own voice using someone elses vocal cords."

"[Outside with Jerome in the campus quad and Bardo observes a girl across from them] The only trouble with that is: all those beatnik chicks are totally insane. Look. What you really want is a nice, innocent, suburban girl. Some freshman chick who hasnt been corrupted yet."

"Shut up. Look. Theres really only one question any of you want to ask: you want to know what it would take to turn you into me. Well, listen closely, cause Im gonna give you the answer. In order to be a great artist, you simply have to *be* a great artist. Theres nothing to learn. So... youre all wasting your time. Go home."

"I know youre a genius, but Im a genius too."

"The history of art is largely about the implementation of masculinity.That is such bullshit.Part of some Darwinian imperative. Most artists become artists because they have no way to attract a mate. I hardly think Im the first to point out that the vast preponderance of artists are, shall we say physiologically deficient in some way."

"[As a child dressed as Pablo Picasso] I am a genius. I am the greatest artist of the twentieth century. I pretty much invented modern art, and I do weird abstract paintings even though I could paint totally realistic if I wanted to. Also, even though I am super short and bald, I am able to have sex with any beautiful woman I want just because Im so great."

"[Holding up clay pipe] This is ready for the kiln."

"Ive gotta cream soma kinda love story into this thing man. Skanks, make up fifty per cent of the audience"