Christopher Moore (author)

"Great heroes have Great horniness."

"Pocket: Do you know that theres no fool piece on the chessboard, Kent? Kent: Methinks the fool is the player, the mind above the moves. Pocket: Well, thats a scratchy spot of cat wank. But bloody well said."

"If you have come to these pages for laughter, may you find it. If you are here to be offended, may your ire rise and your blood boil. If you seek an adventure, may this song sing you away to blissful escape. If you need to test or confirm your beliefs, may you reach comfortable conclusions. All books reveal perfection, by what they are or what they are not. May you find that which you seek, in these pages or outside them. May you find perfection, and know it by name."

"Moses should have said "Let my people go. Please."

"When the oil of the lamp is used up the wanker shall light his own way to salvation."

"Fornication with your daughters thats like a double dog sin."

"Sin is moist make a mental note."

"Your mother eats fungus from the feet of lepers."

"Oh to be young and in love (with 8 Chinese concubines)."

"This book youve read is just a story. I made it up. It is not designed to change anyones beliefs or worldview, unless after reading it youve decided to be kinder to your fellow humans (which is okay), or you decide you really would like to teach yoga to an elephant, in which case, please get videotape."

"The Science you dont know looks like magic."

"You should feel what it is like to pleasure a falcon. You lock talons with her in the sky and do it while you both are falling like meteors. You would like it; they never complain if you come too fast."