Donkey Kong Country

"My powerful potions will give you abilities youve never dreamed of and certainly dont deserve, assuming of course you can afford my modest asking fee. Now dont you go asking me for a potion of gameplay, as even my genius cant rescue this game from its rightful destiny in the bargain bin"."

"Look at the fancy box. Look at the size of this instruction manual. You dont think they would have gone to all this trouble if the game was any good, do you?!"

"Tough luck kid. Ive been told to keep my mouth shut, as they want to keep all the good stuff for a money-making strategy guide. Im sure some of it will appear on the newfangled internet thing as well, so I suggest you take a look-see there. You could also ask your friends, assuming of course youve got any. If all else fails, youll just have to play better"."

"So youve reached the bonus game then, have you? Its not a simple game of questions and answers this time though! Now youve got to beat yours truly if you want to win any prizes!"

"Green Kroc: Why does we bury the treasure, Captain? Skurvy: Why does we bury the treasure? WHY DOES WE BURY THE TREASURE?! Kutlass! Tell Mr. Green Kroc here why we be buryin treasure! Kutlass: Ahem. According to Section D, Paragraph 4 of The Pirate-a Handbook-a, any and all-a treasure acquired by ill-gotten means shall and will be systematically buried... sir. Skurvy: So there be your answer, Mr. Green Kroc-Smarty Boots! Now, not another word. Green Kroc: But, if we just gonna be digging it up again... Skurvy: ARE YOUR EARS FULL OF COTTON, SAILOR!?!"

"Special? Hah! Id sure like to know what makes these [items] any better than the others; they look just as useless to me. Probably because theyre slightly larger and a little shinier, I suppose"."

"I knew theyd have to have something like this. The Kongs will be so weighed down with all the garbage they have to collect, I cant see them getting past the second level. You can view all this silly nonsense and some other stuff I dont understand by pressing START during your game"."

"Now where did they put the level I designed? Hmm... I cant seem to find it. It was called the Great Girder Grapple as I remember. Oooh, I must have spent at least 3 minutes working on it. I even drew them a fancy little picture. Bah! It must have been too good for them. The kids would have refused to play their fancy 3-D levels once theyd gotten a taste of my 2-D girder action! Dont give up hope though; they might have hidden it somewhere like a priceless gem, hoping that no one will ever find it..."

"They didnt invite me?! Thats so unfair! Whats wrong with me?! Havent I always tried to be a good enemy to Donkey Kong??"

"(DK and Dixie are sitting in the woods when Krusha comes up behind them.) Krusha: (in DKs voice) Hey, what about you, Dixie? Little Dixie Doodles. You are fine. Dixie: Huh? What is up with you, DK? DK: What? I didnt say anything! Krusha: Cmon! Put a lip lock on me, Dixie! That chump chimp Diddy will never know! Dixie: Why you lousy double crossin two timin... wait till Diddy gets a load of this!!!"

"Klump: Hip hup, hip hup, hippityyyy HUPP! Krusha? KRUUUUUUUUUUUSHA? Krusha: (From a distance) KLUUUUUUUUMP? Klump: Oh KRUUUUUUUUSHA? K. Rool: Klump? Wheres the Magic Amulet? Havent you found Donkey Kong yet? Klump: Uh, almost, sir! K. Rool: ALMOST? AS IN, "IM ALMOST READY TO BARBEQUE YOUR SORRY CARCASS"?!? Klump: Uh, no.... Somewhere as in, somewhere between Not really, and sorta kinda... K.Rool: Dont tell me youre lost! Klump: Oh negative sir, my keen sense of sight, smell and direction have yet to fail me.... Hip hup, hip Hup (Marches off, than comes back) Hip hup...... Hip hup, whatcha got? K. Rool: A general whose brain cant hold a thought!"

"Hey, I think youve played this game before, havent you?!" ~Swanky"