Fletch (film)

"[to a Doberman Pinscher] Look, defenseless babies!"

"Oh, youve remodeled the garage. Must have cost you hundreds."

"It was something your wife said while we were in bed together. She said we had the same build. From the waist up I imagine."

"If you havent guessed, theres been a lot of drug traffic on the beach lately. And Im not talking about Robitussin and No-Doz...Im talking about the hard stuff. Ive been posing as an amiable, minor league junkie in order to get to the bottom of it. It hasnt been easy. I dont shower much."

"You know, if you shoot me, youre liable to lose a lot of those humanitarian awards."

"...and who would have known that the Vice President knew I was opening the door, but the Secret Service, they just whack [mimes door hitting him in the face] blood..."

"For another grand, Ill let you take me out to dinner."

"[to Gail Stanwyck, who answers the door wearing a towel] Can I borrow your towel? My car just hit a water buffalo."

"I would have been here sooner, but a manure-spreader jackknifed on the Santa Ana. Gawdawful mess. You should see my shoes."

"Hey, dont talk to me that way, assface. I dont work for you yet."

"[after paying his ex-wifes attorney, Fletch walks him to the door] Keep ten for yourself. Go and get yourself a nice piece of ass."

"I didnt want to do this, but Im afraid Im gonna have to pull rank on you. Im with the Mattress Police. There are no tags on these mattresses."