Fran Lebowitz

"Theres no such thing as advice to the lovelorn. If they took advice, they wouldnt be lovelorn. You see, advice and lovelorn dont go together. Because advice makes love sound like some sort of cognitive activity, but we know that it isnt. We all know that its some sort of horrible chemical reaction over which we have absolutely no control. And thats why advice doesnt work."

"Should novels generally be 600 pages? No, they should not. Half of writing, maybe 3/4 of writing, is editing. This seems to be a thing that has not gotten through to them. It’s my impression that you could get rid of half of most of these books. These people are not good enough to be this long, but they’re apparently also not good enough to be shorter."

"Women who insist on having the same options as men would do well to consider the option of being the strong, silent type."

"The conversational overachiever is someone whose grasp exceeds his reach. This is possible but not attractive."

"Radio news is bearable. This is due to the fact that while the news is being broadcast the disc jockey is not allowed to talk."

"Bread that must be sliced with an ax is bread that is too nourishing."

"Original thought is like original sin: both happened before you were born to people you could not have possibly met."

"Do not elicit your childs political opinions. He doesnt know any more than you do."

"Remember that as a teenager you are in the last stage of your life when you will be happy to hear the phone is for you."

"Having been unpopular in high school is not just cause for book publication."

"If your sexual fantasies were truly of interest to others, they would no longer be fantasies."

"Life is something to do when you cant get to sleep."