Jello Biafra

"Shut up, be happy. Obey all orders without question. The happiness you have demanded is now mandatory."

"We on the left keep dividing ourselves into little splinter groups. "Anyone who isnt a vegetarian is automatically evil!" "Anyone who isnt an environmentalist wants to pollute the world!" "If youre not gay, then you must be homophobic!" "Look at me wrong? Youre a racist!" "Wear lipstick? You cant be a feminist!" Divide, Divide, Divide, Divide, Divide! And while the left is all up their own asses with their little pet causes, the right comes in and takes control over that which is rightly everyones. And speaking of splinters, most pathetic of all: "The only thing that matters in the entire universe is the punk rock scene! And youre an evil, sell-out traitor to the sacred punk rock scene if you disagree with anything I say, listen to music that I dont like, dress funny, dress normal, laugh without permission, or even so much as speak to another artist who ever made a dime off of their years of hard work without at least beating them up first!"...how pathetic is that? Every day, I walk from my home to the offices of Alternative Tentacles, and I lose count of the number of people, including entire families, holding up cardboard signs saying "Homeless: Will Work for Food"! Hard as it may be for some crybabies to believe, people in that situation could care less that "Green Day and The Offspring sold out when they signed to major labels."! Other things are more important!"

"Condoleezza Rice - "CondolSleazea Rice" - ibid."

"Buy my soda!" said the Moose Diarrhea Salesman. And we did. We all did. But when we got it home and opened up the package, it was not what they said it was. And rather than chucking it all and searching for something better, were content with looking for another Moose Diarrhea Salesman."

"And we will NOT let Campbells Soup, Old Navy, or anybody ELSE, HAMMER into the minds of girls as YOUNG as SIX YEARS OLD that they should ALWAYS hate their bodies and ALWAYS be on a diet!"

"I am an anarchist in my personal life. I try to live my life in a way that I dont need cops or baby-sitters to keep me from infringing on others. But I dont feel we have evolved far enough as a species to make anarchy work in society itself. We still need government to transfer the wealth from those who have too much to those who have too little, to make sure important projects get done, and keep territorial humans from screwing over and killing each other."

"What does it say about our country when people are so desperate for an alternative to our one-party state masquerading as a two-party state that theyll even elect a professional wrestler governor?"

"Here we are at the gates of the great and powerful OZ! And we have come for your children! We are the REAL Politically Incorrect ! Our lives are not Charmed ! We WORK for a living! When was the last time [network television] admitted we even EXIST? Roseanne ? Sanford and Son ? Taxi ? [disgusted] Jerry Springer ! Our young people are NOT Teenage Witches! Nor are they Clueless! Fact is, they neither have NOR WANT ANYTHING in common with Dawsons Creek, Popular or Spoiled White Rich BABIES 90210 !"

"We dont need a flat tax, but a flattening tax, to truly level the playing field."

"Our biggest national security threat is the environmental destruction of our planet and the arms race with ourselves."

"Dont hate the media, become the media."

"Bill Clinton - "Mr. Bill" - ibid."