Jerry Sadowitz

"I only hate two things - living things, and objects."

"My mother thinks Im at Kings cross right now buying drugs off a prostitute. If she knew I was on the BBC, shed kill me."

"My idea of Comic Relief is switching Victoria Wood off."

"Im actually a bisexual necrophiliac - Ill shag anything that doesnt move."

"How do you give a woman an orgasm? Who cares!"

"I used to think I was great in bed until I discovered that all my girlfriends suffered from asthma."