Marty Feldman

"Hookers have to deliver on their promise... unlike politicians."

"Comedy, like sodomy, is an unnatural act."

"Sex is two plus two making five, rather than four. Sex is the X ingredient that you cant define, and its that X ingredient between two people that make both a man and a woman good in bed. Its all relative. There are no rules."

"I feel about Keaton the way an organist thinks of Bach."

"I carry Keatons photo around with me to remind me what happened to him. If the Hollywood system can destroy him it can destroy me."

"When I quoted Bulwer Lyttons "The pen is mightier than the sword" to Marty Feldman he added reflectively, "Yes, and considerably easier to write with."

"I wont eat anything that has intelligent life, but Id gladly eat a network executive or a politician."

"I was about five and a half or six when I converted [to vegetarianism] … I was brought up the first five years of my life in London, in the working-class part of the city, where the only animals that a child is liable to see are domestic animals, or cats, or pigeons, or horses, none of which one eats. Then I was evacuated onto a farm when the war came, and billeted with this family of farmers, and I got very friendly with a rabbit—George, the rabbit. Then one day, George the rabbit was George the lunch. For a farming family there was nothing obscene about that. They kill animals; they serve them up at table and say, "Hey, yes, thats the animal you were playing with yesterday!"—which is not abnormal. It was obscene to me as a child."