S. J. Perelman

"In pulp fiction it is a rigid convention that the hero’s shoulders and the heroine’s balcon constantly threaten to burst their bonds, a possibility which keeps the audience in a state of tense expectancy. Unfortunately for the fans, however, recent tests reveal that the wisp of chiffon which stands between the publisher and the postal laws has the tensile strength of drop-forged steel."

"Before they made S J Perelman they broke the mold."

"The worst disgrace that can befall a producer is an unkind notice from a New York reviewer. When this happens, the producer becomes a pariah in Hollywood. He is shunned by his friends, thrown into bankruptcy, and like a Japanese electing hara-kiri, he commits suttee."

"Great-grandfather died under strange circumstances. He opened a vein in his bath." "I never knew baths had veins," protested Gabrilowitsch." "I never knew his great-grandfather had a ba—" began Falcovsky derisively."

"The main obligation is to amuse yourself."

"I have Brights disease and he has mine."