The Goodbye Girl

"I will bring home anyone or anything I chose including a one-eyed Episcopalian Kangaroo if that happens to be my kinky inclination."

"I play the guitar whenever I cannot sleep, and I meditate every morning, complete with chanting and burning incense, so if you have to walk around Id appreciate a little tiptoeing. Also: I sleep in the nude. "Au buffo." Winter and summer, rain or snow, with the windows open. And because I may have to go to the potty or to the fridge in the middle of the night, and because I do not want to put on jammies which I do not own in the first place, unless youre looking for a quick thrill or your daughter an advanced education Id keep my door closed."

"If you were a Broadway musical, people would be humming your face."

"It never occurred to us that William Shakespeare wrote the Wizard of Oz. However, Elliot Garfield makes a splendid Wicked Witch of the North." Tacky. Tacky. Well, if theyre gonna kill me. Let em kill me with panache."

"My careereth is over. I am making a horseth asseth of myselfeth. Mark, Im begging you. Im BEGGING you. You want this kind of performance? Let me play Lady Anne."

"Miss McFadden, today I begin rehearsals for my first New York play. It will be the most important day of my life. Am I nervous? No, I am not nervous. For I have meditated. I am relaxed. I am calm. I am confident. You, on the other hand, have not meditated, and therefore you are a pain in the ass."

"What is it about you that makes a man with a hundred forty-seven I.Q. feel like a dribbling idiot?"

"You know I liked you from the first time I met you when you answered the door. I said to myself, "This is the best half-a-face I ever saw!"

"You know I love listening to you talk. I hate living with you but your conversation is first rate."

"Quinn Cummings - Lucy McFadden"

"Youre not the only one who can yell rape, you know."

"Richard Dreyfuss - Elliott Garfield"