The Watch

"Youve been planning an alien invasion... in my Costco?"

"Singing was their hobby. Closing ass was their job."

"Heres the best case scenario: hes a lonely old man, he wants to waltz, he wants to listen to some of the old songs from his childhood. Worst case scenario: youre getting fucked in the ass."

"[revealing his gun collection] Welcome to candyshop, motherfuckers!"

"Pigs have uniforms, I think we should have uniforms too. Gotta match those fuckers on every level."

"You dont fuck with Bob! You show Bob respect. Bobs my special guy. Thats right! Thats right. That just happened. You dont tell your parents about this. You dont tell your friends about this. You write it in your dream journal. You lock it up and put it under your pillow. I will come back here and I will kill each and every one of you! Except for those two hot girls I was talking to. They have my information, please have them get in contact with me. They seam great."

"Lock and load, bitches! Anything from outer space, kill it!"

"Neighborhood watch. What a fucking joke!"

"Richard Ayoade - Jamarcus Perkins"

"R. Lee Ermey - Manfred Salisbury"

"Will Forte - Sergeant Bressman"

"Rosemarie DeWitt - Abby Trautwig"