Tom Robbins

"The function of the artist is to provide what life does not."

"Whether a man is a criminal or a public servant is purely a matter of perspective."

"Theyd be no threat to me. I have a black belt in Haiku. And a black vest in the cleaners."

"Love is the ultimate outlaw. It just won’t adhere to any rules. The most any of us can do is to sign on as its accomplice. Instead of vowing to honor and obey, maybe we should swear to aid and abet. That would mean that security is out of the question. The words “make” and “stay” become inappropriate. My love for you has no strings attached. I love you for free."

"There are many things worth living for, there are a few things worth dying for, but there is nothing worth killing for."

"Of course Ive contradicted myself. I always do. Only cretins and logicians dont contradict themselves. And in their consistency, they contradict life."

"If were ever going to get the world back on a natural footing, back in tune with natural rhythyms, if were going to nurture the Earth and protect it and have fun with it and learn from it — which is what mothers do with their children — then weve got to put technology (an aggressive masculine system) in its proper place, which is that of a tool to be used sparingly, joyfully, gently and only in the fullest cooperation with nature. Nature must govern technology, not the other way around."

"Logic only gives man what he needs. Magic gives him what he wants."

"The only meat in the world sweeter, hotter, and pinker than Amandas twat is Carolina barbecue."

"There are only two mantras... yum and yuk. Mine is yum."

"Fire is the reuniting of matter with oxygen. If one bears that in mind, every blaze may be seen as a reunion, an occasion of chemical joy."

"Society had a crime problem. It hired cops to attack crime. Now society has a cop problem."