Tracey Ullman's Show

"Angela Merkel: [singing] I thought they were my friends I thought that we were cool Now Im like the schlummy dummy no-one likes at school Behind my back theyre laughing Especially the Brits Theyre like, "Angela, whatever." Those stupid Brexit shits On the refugees I acted The moment when I ask for help they all gang up on me All on my own Here I am All on my own Who gives a damn? Ratings at an all time low Oh, man, it makes me blue Oh, Birgit, baby, be a buddy Tell me vhat to do Birgit: Dont let those schweine get you down They do not have a clue Youre the EU anchor EU banker Thats why they hate you Angela Merkel: Too true! Birgit: Weve always worked things out Since we were oh so small Angela Merkel: So small! Birgit: Dreaming of another life on the right side of the wall Angela Merkel: I used to be so va-va-voom It all was so light-hearted Now when I walk into a room its like, "Mein Gott, who farted?" All on my own [Birgit: No, youre not, my Chancellorette. Here I am] All on my own [Birgit: Nein, nein. Here I am I give a damn] Up scheisse creek with no paddle Theyve brought me to my knees So now its just the two of us Birgit: And a million refugees"

"Angela Merkel: [singing] My economists told me wed be talking a week I said, darling, all these figures, to me its all Greek Everybody, everywhere wants some money And they wonder why we Germans dont find things funny If you bail out a nation you expect a little gratitude But let me tell you, baby, all you gets a lot of attitude One long, never-ending economic wreck At the end of which is Germany signing every cheque Im a honey with the money and, honey, it aint funny When the honey with the money has to shell out all the money And its funny how the countries that suddenly need the money And whose idea was the Eurozone? [Angela scats] Far, far, far on the autobahn [Angela scats] Neunundneunzig Luftballons The pain in Spain gives me a migraine They exploit us all in Portugal Go to Slovakia, they just attack-ia When youre hanging out with Putin, dont put your foot in, Or else Putin will put his boot in Theres an inner Putin, Vladimir Putin Mamma Mia dont mess in Crimea Crimea, Crimea Cry me a river, what are you going to do? Birgit: Sing! Sing! Angela Merkel: I like soul and R&B Crowd: And Eurovision secretly Angela Merkel: I speak Russian fluently Crowd: Good accent apparently Angela Merkel: Got a degree in chemistry Crowd: At Leipzig University Angela Merkel: Ive never taken LSD Crowd: But she drinks beer occasionally Angela Merkel: Favourite sandwich, BLT Angela Merkel: Her middle name is Dorothy Angela Merkel: Eins, zwei, drei, vier Get me an Uber over here Ja."