UHF (film)

"Lesbian Nazi hookers abducted by UFOs and forced into weight-loss programs, all this week on Town Talk!"

"Look up! Look down! Now look at Mr. Frying Pan! [George conks Bobbo in the face with the frying pan] Uh-oh. Bobbo fall down go boom. Uuupsy-daisy...Aw, whats wrong, Bobbo? I bet I know! Youre hungry, arent you? [Bobbo honks his horn weakly] Have I got just the thing for you! Yes sir, clowns AND kids alike just cant resist the mouth-watering, lip-smacking taste of Mrs. Hackenbergers Butter Cookies! [He proceeds to stuff Bobbos face with "cookies," which are actually dog biscuits; George has picked up the wrong box!!] Right, Bobbo? Thats right! And guess what, Mom? Theyre nutritious, too! Just look at how much Bobbo here likes em! [cut to a revolted Bobbo] Mmmm, THATS GOOOOOD!! [Bobbo looks ready to vomit] And dont forget folks, theres a nifty surprise inside every box of Mrs. Hackenbergers...[notices his mistake for the first time] Heh Heh Heh, UH-OHHH!! [Bobbo turns and glares at Uncle Nutzy as if to say "WHAT Uh-Oh?!?"] Bobbos been eating...YAPPYS DOG TREATS!! [a look of horror crosses Bobbos face, and he runs off to the "little clowns room."] Thats right, Yappys Dog Treats! Your dog will love that real liver-and-tuna taste... [We hear Bobbo vomiting]... With just a hint of cheese...!"

"(The broadcast which gets Channel 8 shut down by the FCC) This community means about as much to me as a festering bowl of dog snot!! You think I CARE about the pea-brained yokels of this town?! If you took their combined I.Q., and multiplied it by a hundred, you might have enough intelligence to tie your shoe, if you didnt drool all over yourself first!! I cant stand those sniveling maggots. They make me want to puke. But, there is one good thing about broadcasting to a town full of mindless sheep. I always know I have them exactly where I want them. Ha, ha, ha, ha, ha!!!"

"This is my ant farm. These little guys can lift fifty times their own weight. They also spend weeks digging these intricate little tunnels. And oh yeah, they really hate it when you do this! [Raul picks up the ant farm and shakes it] Oh look! Theyre really mad now!"

"For those of you just joining us, today were teaching poodles how to fly."

"Oh, no. What time is it!? [arm with a watch breaks through the wall, George looks at the watch] Seven THIRTY!?"

"You gotta grab life by the lips and YANK as hard as you can."

"Sex with furniture, what do you think?"

"[to Satan] Oh, shut up, you pinhead! You make me SICK!"

"WE DID IT! THE STATIONS OURS!!"

"[Grinning] This is my new mop. My friend George, he gave me this mop. Its a pretty good mop. Its not as good as my old mop, I miss my old mop. But its still a good mop. Sometimes, you gotta take what life gives you, cause life is like a mop. And sometimes, life gets full of dirt and crud and bugs and hairballs and stuff, but youve got to clean it out. You gotta put it in here and rinse it out and start all over again. And sometimes, life sticks to the floor so bad a mop isnt good enough. Its not good enough. You gotta get down here with, like, a toothbrush or something, and really scrub, and if that doesnt work, if that doesnt work...you cant give up. Youve got to run a window and yell, "HEY! THESE FLOORS ARE AS DIRTY AS HELL , AND IM NOT GOING TO TAKE IT ANYMORE!!!"

"Oh, Joel Miller, you just found the marble in the oatmeal! Youre a very, very, very lucky little boy. You know why? You get to drink from...THE FIRE HOOOOOSE!!!"