Welcome to Night Vale

"I will place within some of you questions. Within others, I will place answers. These questions and these answers will not always align. The questions I provide may have no answers, and the answers I provide may have no questions."

"Listeners, we are currently fielding numerous reports that books have stopped working. It seems that all over Night Vale, books have simply ceased functioning. The scientists are studying one of the broken books to see if they can understand just what is going on here. The exact problem is currently unclear, but some of the words being used include “sparks,” “meat smell,” “biting,” and “lethal gas.” For your own safety, please do not attempt to open a book until we have more information on the nature and cause of these problems. The City Council has released only a brief statement indicating that their stance on books has not changed and that, as always, they believe that books are dangerous and inadvisable and should not be kept in private homes."

"Look, I’ve probably said too much. I can see down the hall that an envelope just came flying out. I pray it’s not another HR retraining session in the Dark Box. Uugh!"

"[regarding a two cent increase in the price of postage stamps] It is not enough, apparently, for the Postal Service to violently assault our minds with visions, but they are also intent on bleeding our wallets dry. For shame."

"Heres a look at the community calendar: […] Saturday has been merged with Sunday to create Super-day! Monday will not harm you, but you should stack up on latex gloves nonetheless. And Tuesday is hornet-free dining at the Olive Garden."

"Death will be the last action you undertake."