Whitney Cummings

"When youre pregnant, you finally start reading ingredients on food. You start caring about yourself by accident, because, you know, you care about the baby. When I got pregnant, I realized how bad I was to myself, how poorly I treated myself. Once I got pregnant, I was like, “Well, I guess I should put a seatbelt on.” You know, “Where is it? Oh.” Like Im literally putting a seatbelt on for the—it’s so wild that you start having self-respect and caring about yourself only when youre growing another person inside you."

"Once the Cosby thing happened, I was kind of like, anything I hold dear to me truth-wise could be untrue. Im literally like, yeah, the moon landing, theres something fishy about that. Like yeah, for sure. I dont know if we landed on the moon, but it is funny to me that the moon landing is really what divides us as a country. You know? I don’t know. But my take on the moon thing is actually that—this is a hot take—I just don’t care. Is that weird? Like, it makes no difference to me if they went or not"

"On China and COVID-19: So our enemy made a virus on purpose that killed tons of people, broke our economy, broke our brains, lets be honest, then culminated in all of us posting on social media to stop Asian hate."

"The right is taking books out of schools. Who cares, dude? That’s a states’ rights thing. That is between the parents and the school. Why do you care what books a kid in another state is reading?"

"On Charlie Kirk: He was as close to not a hypocrite as Ive seen in a while. Did he lie about stuff? I don’t know. Was he trying out new personalities and personas for social—I truly don’t know. Did he spread lies? I dont know. And by the way, neither do you, because nobody can prove what a lie is."