Zombieland

"Survival rule #28: Get a kickass partner."

"I used to avoid people like they were zombies before they were zombies. Now that they are all now zombies, I kinda miss people."

"[voiceover, face to face with a zombie clown] Oh, God. Look at this fucking clown. Of course...it had to be a clown! No, wait. It had to be a clown. And it had to be Wichita up there to make me realize that some rules... [the words "RULE #17: DONT BE A HERO" appear, with the word "DONT" falling down, and turning into "RULE #17: BE A HERO"] ...are meant to be broken. Time to nut up or shut up. Fuck this clown."

"[silently crying about losing his 3-year-old son to the zombies] I havent cried like that since Titanic."

"Theres a box of Twinkies in that Grocery Store. Not just any Twinkies, the last box of Twinkies that anyone will enjoy in the whole universe. believe it or not, Twinkies have an expiration date, and someday soon, lifes little Twinkie gauge is gonna go...empty."

"Survival rule #21: Avoid strip clubs."

"[looking through a fried-Twinkie stand] Where are ya, ya spongy yellow delicious bastards?! Where are ya?!"

"Survival rule#4: Dont be a hero."

"My momma always told me "Someday youll be good at somethin." Whod have guessed that somethin would be zombie killin?"

"[to Tallahassee] You are like a giant cock-blocking robot, like developed in a secret government lab!"

"[about Columbus, after seeing him kiss Wichita] Finally got to first base. Not bad for that scrawny little spit-fuck."

"[last lines] So until next time, remember: Cardio, seat belts, and this really has nothing to do with anything, but a little sunscreen never hurt anybody. [Tallahassee hits the zombie with the car door] Im Columbus, Ohio from Zombieland, saying good night."