E. W. Howe

When you hear that a certain man is so good that he wants to help everybody, you may depend upon it that he started the story.

A loafer never works except when there's a fire; then he will carry out more furniture than anybody.

I know what women expect, and give it to them without disagreeable argument; they'll get it anyway.

Of living creatures, business men are nearest sane; their philosophy is as accurate as their multiplication table.

A man who does not fool himself seldom cares much about fooling others. But the man who claims to have seen a ghost wants everybody else to believe in ghosts.

When half the people believe one thing, and the other half another, it is usually safe to accept either opinion. The Democrats are as good as the Republicans, and the Catholics as good as the Protestants.

We are now confronted with the necessity of remedying the remedies.

Silliness which would have broken a politician twenty years ago, now makes his fortune.

When you can't do anything else to a boy, you can make him wash his face.

The experience of the world is worth more than the experience of any one man.

Every man has a long list of things that should be done, but which he knows can't be done. Yet he continues to talk about them as long as he lives.

However disagreeable a situation is to you, you cannot get rid of it by indignation.

I have noticed that my likes and dislikes do not create any great excitement. And how people try to get away when I attempt to talk!

A small man always has one weapon he can use against a great big man: he can "talk" about him.

Another thing which is about as sure as death and taxes, is that no man can go on bluffing indefinitely without being called.

Every time you become confidential with some people, you hear of a new kind of dirty trick.

Automobiles are like people: the cheap ones are noisy.

Abusing the prosperous in order to curry the favor of the envious, is an old game that still works better than it should.

The trouble in the world is nearly all due to the fact that one-half of the people are men, and the other half women.

Always remember that if a man knows where he can make a dollar, he will not tell you about it; he will go after it himself.

One of the most difficult things in the world is to learn to take a hint easily.

A man needs a friend not to flatter him, but to strengthen him at his weak points.

No man knows where his business ends and his neighbor's begins.

No man has all the wisdom in the world; everyone has some.