I do believe that on a whole, women are definitely smarter than men…I — David Cross

"So I was watching all the Katrina coverage and I got really angry at... Christians who didnt pray hard enough... Its their fucking fault. First off, they needed to pray against the people that were praying for Katrina to hit, because New Orleans is a den of sin and iniquity; an area where gay people dance! But now they have to pray double, and if they had just put that little effort up front, we couldve avoided all of this. I think its time we take a lesson from history, and return to human sacrifice."

"I really dont have a problem with gay marriage... because Im tolerant and rational."

"If you wanna find out 101 things to do with plums, heh, read your in-flight magazine."

"[On marketing and commercials] HENDERSON VALLEY EGGS! Youre gonna love our eggs!!!... [cut to small granny in rockin chair] I like eggs the old fashioned way. [return to youth] "Fuck you granny!" [punch mimic]"

"I dont remember ordering the Christian sandwich..."

"I thought it was really odd at how much people freaked out at Katrina. Youd think theyd be worried about something important. Oh my God, look! George Bush is just appointing all his friends into office and were in an unfounded war... But no- Fuck that! That niggers stealing some potato chips!"

"There is a process known as parthenogenesis, literally virgin birth, by which a uniparental embryo can be created out of a normal egg. Its been done with animals. The only reason no one ever did it with humans is because it seemed ethically dodgy, as well as completely unnecessary given the willingness of men to impregnate women every chance they got."

"My passionate interest in social justice and social responsibility has always stood in curious contrast to a marked lack of desire for direct association with men and women."

"We agree with the District Court that the surgical center requirement, like the admitting privileges requirement, provides few, if any, health benefits for women, poses a substantial obstacle to women seeking abortions, and constitutes an “undue burden” on their constitutional right to do so."

"If the proverbial man of the planet Mars would come to this earth and inquire about the difference between "leader" and "ruler" he would learn that "rulers" are strange people who dressed in ermine, wore crowns, married foreign women, kept strictly to themselves, and had the inclination to administer the country without asking the people about their wishes. A "leader," on the other hand, he would be told, is a regular fellow in a simple uniform who embodies his nation, who tries desperately to create by propaganda complete unison between his ideas and the people. A leader, he might hear, was a local boy who made good, who spoke everybodys language, who never traveled abroad and disliked titles and royal paraphernalia."

"I have no hesitation in saying that although the American woman never leaves her domestic sphere and is in some respects very dependent within it, nowhere does she enjoy a higher station. And if anyone asks me what I think the chief cause of the extraordinary prosperity and growing power of this nation, I should answer that it is due to the superiority of their women."

"Washington is a city where dwell many of the first men of the land, and the women they married when they were young."