"If I had a dime for every time a homeless guy asked me for change, Id still say no."
Robert Pickering Burnham is an American comedian, actor, musician and filmmaker. Burnham's work combines elements of filmmaking with music, sketch, and stand-up comedy, commonly with a dramatic, satirical, or tragic twist that is often left open to interpretation.
"Love is... your favorite food for every breakfast, lunch, and dinner, and Love is... the Holocaust, except you dont die quick and you dont get thinner, and Love is... bein the owner of the company that makes rape whistles, and Even though you started the company with good intentions, trying to reduce the rate of rape, Now you dont want to reduce it at all, cause if the rape rate declines, youll see an equal decline in whistle sales"
"The average person has one Fallopian tube. [pause for laughter] The average penis length is 5.5 inches, and finally, the average penis length of a man who googles "average penis length" is 3.5 inches."
"Walkin my poodles, man, it never gets old With my dogs on the leash, I got bitches on the hold A first-AIDS kit? Thats a rhesus monkey I bust more nuts than a pistachio junkie"
"Cause girls are like donuts when I be bustin Bo nuts I can make em cream-filled or give them a layer of glaze Im like Dougs friend Skeeter whenever I meet her Because I skeet her so hard people call her Patty Mayonnaise"
"High school party, senior year Boys and girls are all sippin on beer I like soda / Wheres the soda? Am I the only fuckin person here that likes soda?"
"Cause Im Bo, yo / Im the greatest rapper ever And Ill weather your weather whether you think Im clever or not Think youre better, youre not / Dont need a sweater, Im hot Im a real G, shorty, that can really find your G-spot"