Bo Burnham
Bo Burnham
Robert Pickering Burnham is an American comedian, actor, musician and filmmaker. Burnham's work combines elements of filmmaking with music, sketch, and stand-up comedy, commonly with a dramatic, satirical, or tragic twist that is often left open to interpretation.
"Love is... your favorite food for every breakfast, lunch, and dinner, and Love is... the Holocaust, except you dont die quick and you dont get thinner, and Love is... bein the owner of the company that makes rape whistles, and Even though you started the company with good intentions, trying to reduce the rate of rape, Now you dont want to reduce it at all, cause if the rape rate declines, youll see an equal decline in whistle sales"
"The average person has one Fallopian tube. [pause for laughter] The average penis length is 5.5 inches, and finally, the average penis length of a man who googles "average penis length" is 3.5 inches."
"Walkin my poodles, man, it never gets old With my dogs on the leash, I got bitches on the hold A first-AIDS kit? Thats a rhesus monkey I bust more nuts than a pistachio junkie"
"High school party, senior year Boys and girls are all sippin on beer I like soda / Wheres the soda? Am I the only fuckin person here that likes soda?"
"Cause girls are like donuts when I be bustin Bo nuts I can make em cream-filled or give them a layer of glaze Im like Dougs friend Skeeter whenever I meet her Because I skeet her so hard people call her Patty Mayonnaise"
"Whats a pirate minus the ship? / Just a creative homeless guy And an anteater plus a large hungry mutant ant? / An ironic way to die And whats domain domain range? / A kid with too much in his pants And two balls minus one? / Seven titles at the Tour de France"
"Look at all of Bos hos, lookin for a ride on Bos hose And I spot a little Latino, booty so big, call it "Oprahs ego" We go to it, through it / She says "¡Dios mia, mi amigo!" Pull it out, stick it in your mouth, and I bust in the back of ya "Swallow bitch! Theres people starvin in Africa!"
"We the people of the USA / José, were not talkin to you, ese We got a border in order to keep you out / Its what my NYU essays about Cause were xenophobic warrior princess / Molested by my Uncle Sam, is that incest? "I Want You... to smell my finger! Does my nephews scent still linger?"
"If I had a dime for every time a homeless guy asked me for change, Id still say no."
"If every day you play the board game Risk Youve probably never taken a risk In your life / And Monopoly has far From a stranglehold on the board game market A little kid died from suffocation When he choked on a game piece from Operation"
"We [artists] ask questions! [...] Questions like "Where are all the Sour Patch Parents?" Questions like "If Mickeys a mouse, and Minnies a mouse, and Donalds a duck, and Daisy and Goofy-- if theyre all animals and they can talk, why is Pluto just a fuckin dog? Did they just forget to anthropomorphize him, or worse, is Mickey keeping a mentally-handicapped dude as a pet?"
"We know, Lord, from John 3:16, that you so loved the world that you sent your only son to die for us. Your only son! But at the same time, were all your children, so in your eyes, were a bunch of girls. So help us as we struggle with the temptations of lesbianism. Amen."
